i never thought i was the type to cry myself to sleep. i have done the right thing. i know that. but still it feels like my world is crumbling. first i was bitter, then angry. I thought, what a gift... happy fourth #4! but such emotions were of little use. only forgiveness helps. she would do the same for me if i screwed up. but what now. now i do not know what i am. crushed. i do not feel. i feel hollow. as though a part of me has been destoryed. i did not think that such pain could be visited on me yet again. i tell myself she is the same, and she is. but just because she is the same person, and i have forgiven does not mean that the pain will magically disappear. maybe with time the pain will vanish. maybe someday the tears will stop. i have to get through this so things will be just like they always were. but then a part of me rebells and wants to scream. i trusted you! you don't know how hard it is for me to trust someone, how big of a deal that is for me! even now the tears do not stop, and continue on down my cheeks and onto my shirt. but what is done is done. i just have to make it through and time will heal even the deepest wounds. though i don't know that this won't leave me with a scar. it will be ok. it has to be. things like this happen. the worst of it is over. this will pass. things will be just the way they used to be. in time. all i can do until that time is cry. cry until nothing is left.

"The more sensitive you are, the more likely you are to be brutalized, develop scabs, never evolve. Never allow yourself to feel anything, because you always feel too much."

-CR