so i sat outside on this winters night. breathing. i am still breathing after all. and i took to looking at the windows in the state capitol building. and i wondered. and wished. wished that someone up there had a gun, and was aiming at me. and he would give me a free trip on that silent black horse of his. and i could never feel anything again. i am tired. i do not sleep anymore. and when i do it is fitful sleep, at absolute best. i don't want to do anythhing. i really feeling like throwing in a towel. i walk as slowly as i can. i try not to make any noise, maybe then people will never know i was here. wouldn't that be nice. but... no one seems to know i exsist here anyway, so it isn't much of a leap to assume that no one will ever remember me being here to begin with. some people are transparent, some people not. which are you?

"I would like to thank a world that has never understood me, family and friends who never believed in me, and a god who must have one hell of a sense of humor, you have all made me what I am today. May that weigh heavily upon your consciences."

-cr