this is a world of pain for me. she's the only reason i am still here, i would have checked out long ago. now she's gone though, and with her goes that reason. i try to shake my head out, clean the cobwebs and nostalgia out. but i can't. walking out of health department, i hear a girl playing audioslave on her car stero... what am i supposed to do about that? i'm supposed to just forget... but i don't forget. i know that she doesn't feel anywhere near like this, she's prolly just glad to be rid of me, and find someone that is many times better than i'll ever be. for her, that's still a good song, and it's something she might remember that she had trouble finding the summer after senior year. i'll just be left with the memory of her singing in the car. her voice gone forever from my future. i really can't take this. it hurts so much and i don't know what to do with mysefl. i tell myself that i have to be strong, that i have to take it like a man. but i can't. if i meet another girl, fall for her. i might as well save myself the time and trouble. instead repeat the words that every girl i've had feelings for has told me, youre a nice guy but you don't make my blood boil. i just don't understand. i tried so hard, worked so hard to build something special and it falls apart like this. i feel so insufficient. i feel like such a failure. because i am... everything that i had to give, it wasn't enough. that hurts me. i did everything. i want so bad to just stop exsistance. i doin't want to be me anymore. but i can't do that. i cant. i want to be someone else. forever. no tears. i ran out of those long ago. i wish i could cry. it would ease the pain. can't cry. bottle it. how else do the walls go back up. i don't want girls anymore. they don't want me at the very least. no one comes through. if i bring them down i'm just going to get burned again. it's never going to stop. i started thinking about what i have to offer... and that's nothing. i want to leave. and make ita ll go away. no happy endings. ogres don't get happy endings.