back from "band camp". Interesting times, met some folks and had some fun. Frizzbee was a blast. I don't know that I've ever felt so alive as I did for those 2 hours. It was sweat and blood and pain. And glory. How else are you supposed to know you're alive if not by those four? And I had some thinking time for myself as well. A few things were made apparent to me, the way she acts and carries herself. She knows that she is classicaly beautiful. She wants to be the object of desire for as many people as possible. It inflates her self image and gives her confidence. I suppose that's why I walked away, and will continue to do so. I'll be damned if I'll be played off as someones boy-toy again.

Speaking of that, I visited my first football game here... I think it was fun. Barring of course the migrane that I got halfway through the bloody thing. Seemed to be related to noise. Intended to leave at halftime, but I ran into some folks, ended up staying until near the end. I had to bow out at the vast second because I was afraid that I was going to throw up from the pain. Made it back to campus alright though, and crashed for an hour to sleep off the headache. I wake an hour later to the sounds of roomie coming back for the weekend. Head downstairs for some belated dinner. Consisted of pizza and chocolate milk. It wasn't much, but it was something. Whereupon I ran into an as of yet unnamed entity. We spoke for roughly an hour, mostly about the lack of community, and the difficulties inheirant in finding a suitable companion. Then I once again came into contact with Albatross. Nice girl. But time will tell. There are all sorts of iffy issues on that one. And one potential game-breaker. But like I said time, will tell.

Currently looking at my keyboard. The one that I desire intently to replace. Wondering how many messages of love have passed through it's keys, as I notice the wear patterns on the keys, and the smooth glossy finish on the plastic frame, where my hands rest whilst typing. I wonder how many messages of hate too. yeah, it prolly is time for this one to go. in its place something else. Something clean. Yeah. Definately something clean. This thing is gross. Don't even know what some of the crap on this thing IS anymore. It's just... gross. Lint and junk on the sides, as well as below the keys themselves.

Anyway. No real movement to report. only ... what... one on the list now I guess. Ugh. well fuck that. No. there's nothing on the list. cause I've gotten sick of being stood up time and time again. I'm starting over damnit.

Sometimes I feel
Like I don’t have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
’cause she’s my companion
I walk through her hills
’cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge

-CR