trying to figure out what to say now. the only way this can be sorted out so that you understand, is if we actually communicate somehow. much of what you said was right. and this is so much what i am afraid of. i'm not trying to burn you. i'm not trying to make you out as a terrible person. and you're right, personal shit is called personal for a reason. i was afraid that i'd blow it. looks like i already did. holding on too tight. i don't know how to just let go.

all i can say is that i'm sorry. and that you are right. the rest i cannot say, because i have to say it to you, not an imaginary audience that doesn't really exsist. and it really isn't that... i don't know. so many things i want to write down before they leave... no where to put them...