less than 24 hours away from a momentary freedom. I'm kind of in the thick of it, I've got quite alot of Economics studying still to be done... hoo boy, don't ever listen to Sarah McLachlan when you're already a bit bummed. Nearly hurled myself out the window afore I knew exactly what I was doing.
Feels like this year, is a repeat of a year that happened 4 years ago. It sure feels that way. I'm trying to change that though. Trying to make myself not care for her any more. and I think it's working. Didn't say goodbye before she left for break. And she certainly has not called to make things right. And I'm basically fine with that. I think she was a bit flakey for me anyway. I at least want some measure of consistancy in any girl... oh, although a british accent would definately help. yeah I think that I'll take consistancy OR a british accent. fairly sure. But getting back to what I said before. I'mna get on with my life, and just stay out of the way. She is in one of my classes next term, but so is one of her best friends. I won't be hearing much from her in that class. it just doesn't seem to matter anymore I guess. The pendulum has again swung from one extreme to another. I used to really desire companionship... now I could care less. Just give me a door to shut and I'll take care of it.
meeting with my econ professor in an hour... maybe less to go over some questions that I have. She'll prolly freak out at me, telling me that I should simply sift through my notes because it was covered in lecutre. I guess that's all my fault for being a boy eh? She is more than willing to give remedial econ sessions to the girls in the class. Damnit, it isn't my fault that she is ugly.
Oh, yeah. and lets add another person to the collective that is only referred to as "the fools". I am a loyal person you see. Make any effort, and you will find me to be a loyal friend. I'm very forgiving, I put up with a lot of shit. But the one thing that I do not put up with is betrayal. Especially of trust. You betray my trust, you become my enemy.
And I am an extremely loyal enemy.
person1: i hate guys
person2: hey, people can piss me off too, but i don't write off their whole gnder
person2: that would make me a feminist
-CR
Feels like this year, is a repeat of a year that happened 4 years ago. It sure feels that way. I'm trying to change that though. Trying to make myself not care for her any more. and I think it's working. Didn't say goodbye before she left for break. And she certainly has not called to make things right. And I'm basically fine with that. I think she was a bit flakey for me anyway. I at least want some measure of consistancy in any girl... oh, although a british accent would definately help. yeah I think that I'll take consistancy OR a british accent. fairly sure. But getting back to what I said before. I'mna get on with my life, and just stay out of the way. She is in one of my classes next term, but so is one of her best friends. I won't be hearing much from her in that class. it just doesn't seem to matter anymore I guess. The pendulum has again swung from one extreme to another. I used to really desire companionship... now I could care less. Just give me a door to shut and I'll take care of it.
meeting with my econ professor in an hour... maybe less to go over some questions that I have. She'll prolly freak out at me, telling me that I should simply sift through my notes because it was covered in lecutre. I guess that's all my fault for being a boy eh? She is more than willing to give remedial econ sessions to the girls in the class. Damnit, it isn't my fault that she is ugly.
Oh, yeah. and lets add another person to the collective that is only referred to as "the fools". I am a loyal person you see. Make any effort, and you will find me to be a loyal friend. I'm very forgiving, I put up with a lot of shit. But the one thing that I do not put up with is betrayal. Especially of trust. You betray my trust, you become my enemy.
And I am an extremely loyal enemy.
person1: i hate guys
person2: hey, people can piss me off too, but i don't write off their whole gnder
person2: that would make me a feminist
-CR
1 Comments:
I'm a little confused with this entry, just because of past experiences for myself, maybe you can write another one to try to explain it. In the very last paragraph that you wrote, about being a really loyal friend and being very forgiving, makes it seem like someone would really have to mess up for you not to care anymore. In the experience I had, my friend had said similar things. He had gotten broken up with his girlfriend, and we hung out a few times after that, at least as many times as I hung out with others that summer (I had a job that kept me busy you see). Also before the break up we'd talk on line all the time, about serious things too, and I always tryied to be there if I could. But then once my friend broke up with him, after a while, when I got back to school, he said that he couldn't talk with me anymore. That I had to be out of his life completely because for one I reminded him too much of his ex, and second cause if I "truly" wanted to be his friend I should have tried harder over the summer. Now you see that's the part I don't really understand about it all. He said that I didn't care enough, or was a sucky friend, when in the past it seemed like our friend ship was just fine. I mean I don't know. He, like you, said he was a loyal friend, but do you believe him? Could he really be like he says? Cause you see in my case I was trying to deal with new family situations (divorce), ending a long relationship myself and job and all this crap, and tried to hang out with friends whenever I could. But, that just wasn't good enough? Makes me sad cause, I mean, I wasn't trying to be a bad friend, didn't think I was for that fact. And I could deal with the fact that I would bring back bad memories and it would be hard for closure, but saying goodbye to someone I thought had been a friend, forever?.... forgiving?... no. I think he was scared, or tired or something. How was I a betrayal? Would you have done something like that? Who knows ANYTHING anymore.
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