Being struck by my irrelevance, and my utter insufficiency. I have been told that all people have some kind of redeeming feature, something that makes them totally different, something that they are a natural at... some kind of talent. Supposedly. Everyone it seems would have one. Barring me. Where others have only found shining success... I have found spectacular failure in everything I've attempted. Then come the do - gooders who will try and make you feel good. But they just seem to me like a giant conspiracy that is trying to make me feel better just so I won't see the truth. Just humoring me along. People tell me, "oh but you are so smart" yeah well so are a lot of people... if that is all I am, then I had better be pretty damn smart. But I'm not. I suck at Math. I get C's in History. I haven't passed a German test in recent memory. I cannot play my Trumpet well enough, living in the shadow of a prodigy. English is perpetually an accident looking for a place to happen. I feel worthless because of this. I feel that no one cares, and those that claim to only do exactly that, claim to. They are humoring me, because they are kind enough to try to build me up on lies because they don't wish to see me down, or more likely would rather not have to deal with my whining all the time. There is no solution.
Incorrect. There is one. Just not in sight. So it may as well not exist at all. I know what can bring me out of this. I know exactly what. I have to feel that I am worth something from someone that I know cannot be lying. Because it would be too important to lie about. Then I would know for sure, because if one person truly believes, then it is indeed possible that the rest can as well. But it is far out of reach. Farther than you or I can imagine. For how does one measure distance when there is no point to measure from?

"You could cut my throat and with my last dying breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

-CR