Grandmother is getting worse, she had a blood infection, now they have her on a constant oxygen feed. I do not believe she will be with us much longer. And that is truely a shame. Overwhelming to think of all the experiences she has seen in her life... all of those memories die with her. How many things... heck even the times she lived though... a child in the depression, married a man after World War II... lived through the rise and fall of the Soviet Union... just wow. So many things that she has borne witness to, truly makes me wonder if I have yet begun to live. Much sadness. Going out to dinner with neighbors tonight, afflicted with cancer and may not be longer in this world... kind of a downer. Though I suppose all of it will sort itself out in time. Though maybe not the way I would like. Played tennis for the first time in a long time today... more like I just hit some balls over the net, there was no one else there, besides maybe a baseball game going on down on the field. I still don't know that i could go back. It just doesn't feel the same. I walk onto the court, and all of a sudden I feel, different... but not a good different, heavier. Slower. Not yet I don't think... I'm not ready just yet. Funny that I should feel insignificant now of all times. Though I guess that is entirely logical... i am only one. I am going to go eat ice cream,... oh and in other news, go my team, I have gained weight. About fricking time, usually I only end up losing it when i try to gain it. Don't know how much is due to extra fat and how much is due to increased muscle mass though. wait... isn't extra fat redundant? Extra... fat... isn't it? cause isn't the nature of fat that it is just extra? i"m confused.

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

-CR