I like to type in a steady rhythm key key space key key space. it is comforting. it is steady. i like steady things. I don't like anything but i love everything and now i am kinda of lost and i don't really know where i am going. i don't know what i am doing either and then part of me doesn't want to care but then the other part of me totally cares. i don't want this lifeanymore i don't know why i hate everything i hate struggle i hate conflict i hate conflict within myself. and i hatemyself for letting myself tear myself apart. I have not started physics it is due tomrrow. i don't know what i will do. ii''llll fail once more. i think thatis a good idea i feel hollow nothing matters it alli s temporary. i'm dying. and so are you and so it doesn't matter a bit what the hell we do withourselves. i'm done i quit i throw in the towel. look at me now momand dad thisis the son that you had high hopes for, this was your last chance this was my only chance. sorry i guess i blew it. i don't know what to say other than that this whole beinga failure thing is new to me. it is one thing to be able to control it. and understand failure. it is another to have it smack you in the motherfucking forehead with an elephant or some crazy shit like that so much anger to channel and so little time i feel small i feel stupid i feel like i have shit for brains i feel that nothing is working right i feel that what i've depended on is gone i feel like everything is broke n and everything is falling apart. things fall apart. i don't know what i feel everything is so confusing i dont know anything anything oh my god what is happening to me slow down think oh my god no stop okay think no don't think but i have to what the fuck is going on here STOP NO! leave me alone please i didn't mean it it it isn't my fault i swear to god please no jjstu leave me alone now. but they wont and i feel like dorthy swept up in a tornado and i don't kno w

where the fuck i am OZ?!?! the fuck is that some fox reality show? where in the fuck are the cameras find me some people to injure

No stop calm think shhhhh. be quiet...

NO! ANGER HATE BE AGGRESSIVE AND SCREAM AND KILL AND MAIM

no. no. no. no.no.no.no! NO! STOP! shh... it's all okay

BUT IT ISN"T are you FUCKING CRAZY my LIFE IS fucking OVER

NO you're being blind you have to hold on to hope

What motherfucking hope is left for me here?!? you really think that we can turn this shitstorm of a life around? I'M FUCKING USELESS DIPSHIT!

shhh... calm yourself just calm the fuck down.

YOU CALM THE FUCK DOWN I can't TAKE this SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING! WHY ARE THINGS DIFFERENT?! I don't UNDERSTAND. I tried SO motherfucking HARD bitch! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING! where AM i GOING?! where is everything going i don't understand make it stop no... no... no...

shhh... just shh... it will all be over soon. shhh...

i don't want... no... not over soon no. regain CONTROL NO! I CAn'tstOP nO! WE.. i.. . i .. have to .. keep going?

shh...

i will die a FAILURE then.?.?. and that is ALL... NO i really wish it... NO I KNOW IT WON'T happen like this ... SOMETHING ELSE NOT FUCKING THIS

shh... no one is going anywhere.

THEN what then?! where the FUCK am I? ANSWER ME YOU SICK FUCK!

shh... you need to sleep. it doesn't matter anyhow

WHAT THE FUCK are you TALKING about it DOES matter BITCH! how the FUCk am I sUppoSED to DEAL with this SHIT!

you aren't supposed to. just get over it... "bitch"

Hey FUCK off. I think YOU"D BE A LITTLE FUCKING HIGH STRUNG RIGHT ABOUT FUCKING NOW TOO!

shh... you'll wake the neighbors. it's my life too. I simply don't give a shit. it will happen one way or another.

FUCKHEAD. why the FUCK you answer in RIDDLES.

It makes me look smarter.

JACKASS. You STILL haven't answered my MOTHERFUCKING QUESTION.

You never really asked it.

WHERE am I? Where are WE and WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTIN ALL TEACHERY ON ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER NO!!!! BITCH IMA KILLYOU! WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO DO HUH? WE'RE FUCKED I'M SCREWD THINGS ARE GONE THINGS ARE OVER THINGS ARE BLOWING UP IN THE FACES AND DIE. EVERYTHINGdie. now. go. go.

no.... no STOP. STOP IT. this is NOT over the life is notover

WHATABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE HUH BITCH? what about that? where is. what? i... it's all come undone... THERE IS no life for ME here no life for US because I'm SURE AS ALL FUCKING HELL TAKING YOU WITH ME

NO not like this. anything but this just NO quiet. shhh... sleep now

DON"T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU... you... you're me...

i guess... it's over then?

what is?

i don'tknow... us? life?

i don't think so... i'd imagine the sun will come up again...

things will never be the same will they.

no. i don't think they ever will.

shhh... sleep now. it'll all be over soon.