i can't wait to go back to school. It is so weird to not have anything to do. Dunno if I was supposed to work today or not. Boss told me he'd call. he hasn't called, so I assume that I'm not working today. and I guess i'm okay with that. the thing that i keep hitting is work. and the fact that alot of other people work too. so generally, we can't get together and waste some time in the name of not being bored. I had forgotten that summers used to be this boring. Tonight might be fun, I dunno. Hum. Been thinking about something to do. Something that i can thow myself into, and I can't come up with anything, one day it is a run, the next a bicycle. Since when did i become such a social person? It's just something you get used to I guess. I was used to staying with folks until 2 or 3 in the morning, goofing around. I guess it's just an adjustment. Looking around in salem, wondering about places that I might find an apartment for next year. Olympia is a nice place. But I think my time here is over. Never coming back. My options are to stay in salem and learn how to live alone, or come back to olympia, hear about everyone ELSE learning how to live alone, and be left feeling insufficient. maybe after a year i will be ready. what the hell. I'm ready now. I know how to wash my own clothes. I know how to pay a freaking bill. I know how to cook dinner. The only thing i'm not so good at is meal planning... like, how to shop at a grocery store only once in a week. as opposed to daily trips to get random crap. Only way to learn is by doing though I suppose. I need something else though. Something else... no... I don't... think so. I think I'm done, I think that this is where Me v1.4 fades back to Me v1.0. I have to make myself not want it anymore. 19 years down 11 to go 17 of which were companion free. it's the exception not the rule, stop thinking about it. You've never in your life done anything to deserve or merit it, so stop wishing. give up. it was just a brief dream. let it go. but never close the door.

-CR