I thought I had things figured out. I really did. But now I seem to be back to where I started. If this is supposed to be the best time of my life then why is it that I am so chargined? Part of it is that I know this is the last time that I will ever see many of these people, as I am assureadly not worth a call when people do get back. Feeling worthless again. I shouldn't, but I do. I feel like no matter what I am bound to fail at whatever I do. I feel like someone; be it my parents, a school, or god is stacking the deck against me. And then a small voice knows and tells me on a regular basis that it's all just my problem. No one is out to get me, it is just the way that I am, I lack the motivation to work hard enough to make things happen and then turn right around and blame others for my own laziness. This bugs me. I also dislike fear. Though I suppose it is only natural... I wish I wasn't. And then I wonder if it is really fear at all... I don't know that it is, more like a fear of screwing up, that I'll do something wrong and feelings will be hurt. Well I suppose that would make it fear then wouldn't it. I'm a moron.

"The more sensitive you are, the more likely you are to be brutalized, develop scabs, never evolve. Never allow yourself to feel anything, because you always feel too much."

-CR