On Pain. Phantasmal (What the fuck do I do now?)
Wow so I have now improved my record to a solid 100% failure rate. Do I get some kind of door prize? What sucks though, is that I was foolish enough to think I could maybe have a chance. Just maybe someone that incredible would think me worthwhile. But apparently not. See previous comments with reguards to pond scum. So now what. I have no fucking clue. Not feeling anything. Just kinda feeling empty and maybe a tad self-pity -ish. Got that feeling... where it's just kinda like ice in your stomach, and you're stomach hurts and all. No throwing up. Yet. That usually takes a day or so when it really hits me. Never. That's the word. Never. An exceedingly powerful word that. Words cannot be used to fully express that power. Go to the ends of the Earth, and Never has the same meaning. I seem to be encountering that word an aweful lot. Makes one wonder if anything will ever work out. And at the same time makes me extrodinarily angry with those such as Fallen. Things always work out for her. Never any barriers. I dont' suppose I should be too terribly angry however. Maybe fall back on the laws of statistics. Assuming a 50/50 chance of things breaking your way or not... then statistically speaking she should have one hell of a losing streak. One can hope. Wishing pain and suffering on others doesn't help things much. At the very least it keeps me distracted though. The longer I stay distracted the better I guess. I don't want to think about it. Don't want to deal with it, I just want the whole thing to go away. I feel like shit left out for 4 weeks in the sun and then run over by a lawnmower. See above comments about empty feeling. I don't know that it can even be described. It is like dying from the inside... as though the will is gone and it is only a matter of time before the shell follows. I know it cannot kill me, I know i'll live. or if I don't this won't be what kills me. i know this. but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
-CR
Wow so I have now improved my record to a solid 100% failure rate. Do I get some kind of door prize? What sucks though, is that I was foolish enough to think I could maybe have a chance. Just maybe someone that incredible would think me worthwhile. But apparently not. See previous comments with reguards to pond scum. So now what. I have no fucking clue. Not feeling anything. Just kinda feeling empty and maybe a tad self-pity -ish. Got that feeling... where it's just kinda like ice in your stomach, and you're stomach hurts and all. No throwing up. Yet. That usually takes a day or so when it really hits me. Never. That's the word. Never. An exceedingly powerful word that. Words cannot be used to fully express that power. Go to the ends of the Earth, and Never has the same meaning. I seem to be encountering that word an aweful lot. Makes one wonder if anything will ever work out. And at the same time makes me extrodinarily angry with those such as Fallen. Things always work out for her. Never any barriers. I dont' suppose I should be too terribly angry however. Maybe fall back on the laws of statistics. Assuming a 50/50 chance of things breaking your way or not... then statistically speaking she should have one hell of a losing streak. One can hope. Wishing pain and suffering on others doesn't help things much. At the very least it keeps me distracted though. The longer I stay distracted the better I guess. I don't want to think about it. Don't want to deal with it, I just want the whole thing to go away. I feel like shit left out for 4 weeks in the sun and then run over by a lawnmower. See above comments about empty feeling. I don't know that it can even be described. It is like dying from the inside... as though the will is gone and it is only a matter of time before the shell follows. I know it cannot kill me, I know i'll live. or if I don't this won't be what kills me. i know this. but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
-CR
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