turn them into objects

objects cannot hurt you

Im' so sorry i no longer make you smile.
i'm so sorry that i no longer make you happy.
i'm so sorry i no longer am what you want.
i'm so sorry that all i had to give was simply not enough.
i'm so sorry that it all has to end like this.
i'm so sorry you really want this.
i'm so sorry that you'll be much happier with me gone.

so this is goodbye.

this is goodbye.

romp romp romp romp romp, hey!

change this tire, it's a dog.

ca ca call me junior.

filthy.

dirty pitches.

phish food.

saving swings. (or not)

so much for our pitching duel...

2 outs, bases juiced, and that deuschbag hits a grand slam?!?

the ball was like... behind him, and he caught it.

dude, the catcher had already caught the pitch and you still swung at it.

I hate olympia.

I think, that i would like seattle alot better.

I really wish I was a superhero.

If I were a superhero, I wouldn't have to be scared. If I were a superhero, I wouldn't have to worry about what people think. If I were a superhero, I wouldn't feel like such a waste of life. if I were a superhero, I wouldn't be the youngest, I wouldn't be the skinny one, i wouldn't be the lazy one, or the stupid one, or the weak one. if i were a superhero, i would be respected. if i were a superhero, i wouldn't be noticed. if i were a superhero, when i fell i would be missed.

i'm no hero.

click

abort.

i am very lonely.
i wish i had never come back to this place.

heres to the lost
causes,
friends,
time,
love,
feelings,
jobs,
memories

all of them lost

all of them lost

all of them lost.

Seen as an Away message: "I am graduating right now. Leave a message."

Classic.

German Final knocked me on my ass.

2 words:

...

Rocky.
Balboa.

I don't like people who never come clean.

Perma-Cramp! A new innovation in pain in the ass-itude! Guarenteed not to, "walk off" like all those lesser cramps!

Also available in Quadriceps!

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....that's why they call me, slim.............

relish despair

relish aloneitude

I am very afraid right now.

I am afraid of a lot of things right now.

I am afraid of how I think.

I am afraid of how I work.

I am afraid of everything that has ever been in my world.

My room mates are gone. Without making my life so dramatic, it feels like I am exactly like that. It is just me in a room made for three. Something isn't quite right about that. As I sip the last from a stubborn jar of once cold coffee. I wonder how tired I am. I know, that if I was to go to bed right now, I would not sleep. I would lie in bed. Waiting for sleep to come. And then it likely would not, as I would be thinking about it even more. So I just stay here. I know what I know, right now. But even then, there are two voices, fighting with such precision and practiced hatred as through it was a feud that has stretched for aeons.

One wins. I am filled with resolve, determination and a sense of puropse. Reason raises itself from the dead and challenges me. My resolve crumbles, determination shatters, puropse disintegrates. I wonder if maybe we all can't just get along? And now I am demanding reason, reasons, questions and answers, and time. and time.

alot of time.

Maybe I have created it all. From my head, created it all. There is nothing, was nothing will be nothing to be nothing is the goal i don't know right now. right now i feel so confused, and like my world was a snowglobe that someone either has shattered or just shaken up a bit. And I am the boy, i dare not call myself a man, that used to lives there. But I don't know what has happened. All i know is chaos. I am trying so very hard to put things back into some kind of order. Right now, they are still kind of scattered around. gradually, i can feel them coming back into the places that they belong. A roommate enters, it feels like my room once more. One less piece of chaos. Now i have a place to put the puzzle at the very least. Sleep helps. it always does, but I fear the dreams I will have. And desire the dreams I will not. I only dream of tragedy now. I dream of myself, cut, burned, hurt, maimed, bleeding, blind,cold, failed, disowned. It would be so perfectly dramatic to say "oh and that's how i FEEL too... in my SUBCONCIOUS" but realistically, do i feel that way? reason calmly replies no... while my heart screams yes.

it is my fault, somehow. I need to revaluate. I need to think. i need to not be scared. i need to dream. i need to hope.

I am going to survive. I know. But I don't know if all of me will survive. I want to. I want to. But I am very scared. As I type, I become less. The puzzle fits more and more now. I don't know. I need to think and not panic. That's what I need. I need to be honest. And I'm trying to be. The most honest that I can. The letters one by one force me to think about what I say. More controlled, less sporadic.

Really, that is all it comes down to. Control. My life is out of control, and I don't know how to bring it back. Not yet. I have to regain control. I have to. I have to.

So now what do I say, to those who have witnessed me with no plan, with no control.

goodbye.

"Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around."