comments enabled. Have at it.


so. lower back. what. the. hell. That has got to be the sexiest part of a woman's body.

but I digress...

walked by a girl studying in nothing but bikini bottoms. and even then, she was spread with her feet in the air. Not the most flattering pose in the world. Why do the pretty ones always have to be so dumb? It's like... don't you have a bit more body awareness than that? Not to mention the fact she was doing so RIGHT in front of the fraternaties... attentionwhore mayhaps? Damn near certain at this point...

History Exam knocked me on my ass.

Rocky. Balboa.

-CR

I am so disposeable.

Nothing new there, but somehow I thought it would be different. I've got a specific use. Answer a question, fade away. I really should get used to it. Gotta know your role, and that sure as hell is mine.

whatever. i don't have the time for this emo bullshit. I've got some fucking studying to do.

don't give in, don't be weak. you're stronger than this anyway.

so prove it.
PROVE IT.
PROVE IT MOTHERFUCKER!

you think whining around about how you get fucking ignored by everyone is going to change this shit? huh? you say you're aren't weak. Then, what the hell is this crap? you're a weakling. you've always been a weakling. you can't handle it can you. well you'd better fucking learn asshole. you'd better learn right fucking QUICK.

In light of recent events:


I'm withholding my anger
Though I'd like to be the strangler
Of this punk ass little pussy's puny neck
It's my right to insist
That he acknowledge my existence
But he just displays complete lack of respect
That's what he says to himself
As he uses magazines to trash me
As he sits with both feet up at his desk
Smokes a bag of his weed
And starts imagining things
And he just can't see that he's manically depressed
And in his jealousy and envy
It just whirls him in a frenzy
As he turns on MTV and sees my face
He don't exist in this world
So he just twists and he twirls
Spirals and spins till he hurls himself in a rage
And it's destroying him slowly
Cuz he does not even know me
Even though he sees me everywhere he goes
So he just tortures himself
He has no fortune and wealth
So he extorts someone else to get his dough
And now he's acting like a bully
So he tries to push and pull me
But he knows that he can't pull me so he's mad
He has no choice but to scream
And raise his voice up at me
Cuz it annoys him to see that I ain't scared

You aint no motherfucking bully
And I aint bowing to no motherfucking bully
I won't allow it, aint no coward to no bully
I'll be damned if I don't stand up to a bully
Fight like a man and throw my hands up to a bully...

And I know it must be fucking with you emotionally...

Now I'm not trying to make no more enemies
No more unfortunately
There's so many motherfuckers that just are
They just keep pounding at me
Now that I'm down with 50
Suddenly now I got beef with this faggot Ja'
But his ass is such a puppet
Irv could shove his whole hand up it
And just make him say what he wants him to say
But Suge has Irv's on a string
And Irv's so nervous that he
Says anything to this man to keep him at bay
So now Ja thinks that he's so tough
And Murder Inc.'s the big bad wolf
And they go huff and puff and blow our label down
But our building's made out of bricks
So you ain't taking out shit
I know you just did a song with Bobby Brown
So now you try to pull a race card
And it backfires in your face hard
Cuz you know we don't play that black and white shit
Plus this guy that you fucked
When you was ecstasied up
Was just a man who's dressed up as a white bitch

You aint no motherfucking bully
And I aint bowing to no motherfucking bully
I won't allow it, aint no coward to no bully
I'll be damned if I don't stand up to a bully
Fight like a man and throw my hands up to a bully...

You must be taking to much E...

Now what bothers me the most
About hip-hop is we so close
To picking up where we left off with Big and Pac
We just lost Jam Master J
Big L got blasted away
Plus we lost Bugs, Slayed Son, and Freaky Ta
It's like a never-ending cycle
That just seems to come full circle
Everybody's gotta be so fucking hard
I'm not excluding myself
Cuz I been stupid as well
I been known to lose it when someone says something smart
But as we grow as men
We learn to let shit go, but then again
There's only so much bullshit we can really stand
We all got reps to uphold
When someone steps on our toes
It's no exception, it goes for every man
But if Irv really gave a fuck
About Ja like he claims he does
He'd wake him up and make his boy get off them drugs
But he just keeps feeding him pills
So if that E doesn't kill him
Someone from G-Unit will and I ain't buzzed
Dawg, I'm talking to you straight
If the situation escalates
Any worse, we're gonna lose another soldier to this game
And if I get killed for this rap
I got a million in cash
That says I will get you back in Halie's name

You aint no motherfucking bully
And I aint bowing to no motherfucking bully
I won't allow it, aint no coward to no bully
I'll be damned if I don't stand up to a bully
Fight like a man and throw my hands up to a bully...

Irvine, get your boy off that E...

new feeling and new problems.

or are they both old?

Reminded of a line out of a movie. "sometimes to be steady, and do what is right we have to give up what we want the most. Even our dreams."

Wondering how this statement can be applied to my life. Giving up certainly does not fix the problem. You cannot just convince yourself you don't want it. because you know that you do. It is surely impossible to deny ever wanting something when it turns out you can't have it. On some level inside yourself you will be hoping that things will miraculiously turn around...

so really, you can't give up. not totally, anyway.

In the meantime however, pretty demoralized about the whole damn thing. But on the other hand, you can't rush it. Some people sure as shit do though, and it works out alright for them... doesn't it? or does it?

I guess it is all about not being a weakling. Being steady. Understanding that things aren't working out right now. And it might be an extraordinarly long time before they do work out. But that doesn't mean to stop trying, keep stumbling around in the dark for long enough, and you'll find the doorway.

Sure, plenty of stubbed toes, fear, and humiliation as you walk into a wall in the dark... but in the end you'll forget all that, and remember only the success which you found.

Closer today is interesting, I'd never thought that way before. Wish i knew who had said it... I'm sure you can all do some research of your own on this one.

Ignorance and prejudice are the ballast of our ship of state - however, ships without ballast are not seaworthy and cannot sail in the tempests, nor reach a safe harbor

-CR

being sick sucks, and I hate it

SO.

Some fuckwit has been stalking me online since 7 in the goddamn morning.

If I ever find out who you are, or who was responsible: I will kill your pets.

Nah...

in reality, I'll prolly just google bomb the sh*t out of you.

"beware the wraith of a patient man"

i need a hug.

Hrm. About that.

See, this is what distancing is all about.

A good idea about now would be to... do what? There is a pang of disappointment, that fact is only natural, but it isn't like I had a whole lot invested anyhow. It is alot better than wondering however. Just say whatever and keep moving.

In other news, Rhetoric Project went extraordinarly well. Received all kinds of accolades from Professor and students alike. Go my team.

Still suck at drawing, which is to be expected. Eventually the mockery will cease, either because people realize that it's hopeless, or because it ceases being mockable. One of the two.

Really isn't that big of a deal...

So, apparently there is this keyboard that is sold on the internet... it glows blue.

I WANT ONE!

And ya, Float On is a great sound. Heard it for the first time as I was leaving Oly for the last time.

Ughy... Econ Class in...... 5 minutes. I guess I had better go. Or something?

-CR

Taken up the sword for the Baxter 3rd comic in residence... or something like that. No where near the level of funny that was achieved last year, but hey... practice makes perfect. Or something like that. Might have to expand to a larger board. Cause big boards are grreat like that, and it's a great way to excuse my poor drawing ability. "The board was too small." Sounds like a girl I used to know.

Primary remains primary, widens lead over rest of pack, loses ground on interaction.
Secondary remains secondary, yet gains significant amounts of ground on interaction.
Tertiary falls, nearly off the map now.

You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one.
--Edward Keating


-CR

some satisfaction in the knowledge of truth. Reminders of the truth.


things were going well. Bit of a twist of fate, to wrench me back to my proper place.

Cold nights and rainy days. Something inheirantly beautiful about that. Something about how the trees dance and the rain dulls and blurs all the colours... the words do not come easy, as they used to.

Feeling forgotten, and that is alright. Need to come to grips with the possibility that my life has no other purpose than to serve as a warning to others. This is what happens when you trust people. This is what happens when you believe in people. I don't want that anymore, i want to become... as I used to be. I miss who I used to be. Dreams make one soft. So do not dream. Hope makes one illogical. So do not hope. Take refuge in that which does not require belief. pure... logic. Know that nothing really changes, ever.

two a select few. I hope you fail. I hope you try as hard as you can, and fall on your face. I want to hear you make excuses then, what was it? Oh yes... too stressed out... I remember now... But I don't have to remember anymore...

Whoa. So, just watched the Music Video For "Broken" by Seether and Featuring Amy Lee (from Evanescence fame) And have come to the following conclusion.

Amy Lee is hot, and she has a killer voice.

-CR

thats that bullshit. Here's how i see it:

you are constantly trying to prove how wise you are, and that you've been there, done that, and understand it all perfectly. Then, your raggity ass gets all bent out of shape when a professor calls you out on it. If you can't back up the shit you're talking then shut the hell up. I don't care how hot the girl next to you is (which, incidentally she isn't, unless by hot you mean uglier than six week old piece of meatloaf, left in the sun. outside.) and how badly you want to impress her. I assure you that being a jackass is not going to help you out any in your endeavour. No really. Shut the fuck up. I'm serious.

next bitch:

You think you're pretty hot shit, with the shirts that you made yourself with "witty" little comics that you drew yourself with MSPaint. Dude, that's the stupidest shit I've ever seen. Not to mention your seeming obsession with facial hair. Get it together. Football moustashes don't count mano. 11 on a side just doesn't fucking cut it. And for christsakes you're a frosh. You aren't supposed to have a moustache... and if you do, it should be short and dense. Did I mention SHORT!? half inch long... also not okay. Length does not in any way, shape, OR form compensate for lack of quantity. And a briefcase with weird sticky notes in it such gems as: "I love the way your eyes sparkle when you talk" ...to someone else right? she sure as hell couldn't have been talking to you, otherwise you'd have told her that, and she'd have instantly fallen for you, isn't that right? Dude go fuck yourself. You obviously put it there, in the hopes that whomsoever that beehatch is will see it, and make the leap of faith that you're talking about her. I guess that's why you go to great lengths to leave that briefcase open all the time so EVERYONE can see that shit. and nothing else. your god damn briefcase blocks my whole field of vision, so I sure as hell can't see the econ lecture that is going on in front of me.

and we have yet ANOTHER winner!!!!

stupid stupid stupid bitch! You talk about the real world as if it were someplace you've been! You talk about doing everything for yourself. You're tired of pampering. Well you can't be that tired of it, considering you still run home to mommy and daddy when you get tired of the real world. You're so proud of yourself for finding yourself a job. Oh, that's right. you didn't. You just happened to have a connection so you had that shit set up FOR you. Someone else was supposed to have that job bitch. Someone who earned it. You didn't. You want to talk about the real world? Then put away all your ideas of someone being there to catch you all the time. Practice what you fucking preach about being indepentant, start thinking for your own damn self. What? You think that just because you know how to wash your clothes you're independant? You don't even know how to fucking STUDY! And you're going to brag about being ready for everything, ready for it all. But not just ready... but tired of the luck you've had. Bitch you'd best be thankful, because without that luck of yours, without that pampering which you scorn, you'd be nowhere. And you'd be helpless to boot. The funny thing about all of it is that you don't even have a clue. When we pull the safety net from under you, maybe you'll get an idea. With any luck, you'll figure it out just as your feet slip off of the tightrope and you begin your punge to doom.

know why I say these things?
cause ladys screams keep creeping in shadys dreams
and the way thing seem,
I shouldn't have to pay these shinks
these eighty g's
to say the same things tweece!

Her breath began to speak
As she stood right in front of me
The colour of her eyes
Were the colour of insanity
Crushed beneath her wave
Like a ship, I could not reach her shore
We're all just dancers on the Devil's Dance Floor

Well swing a little more, little more o'er the merry-o
Swing a little more, a little more next to me
Swing a little more, little more o'er the merry-o
Swing a little more, on the Devil's Dance Floor

Pressed against her face
I could feel her insecurity
Her mother'd been a drunk
And her father was obscurity
But nothin' ever came
From a life that was a simple one
So pull yourself together girl
And have a little fun

Well she took me by the hand
I could see she was a fiery one
Her legs ran all the way
Up to heaven and past Avalon
Tell me somethin' girl, what it is you have in store
She said come with me now
On the Devil's Dance Floor

that goes for anyone who walks through that doorway.

because this is my space.

you invade it.

live to regret it.

and you'll die trying to violate it.

fuck around get annihilated.

eyes dialated.



haha! like my old lady?

because what you say is what you say.

sometimes what you mean is two different things.

depending on your mood if it swings.

think too many things...

...

Foxx: im never fallin in love

Foxx: i've decided

FuriousC: you dont choose who you love, love chooses you

FuriousC: and that little fucking son of a bitch sticks itself to your face like the godless bloodsucking bastards in Alien and refuses to let go until it has drained your soul and left you an empty shell of a human being

just when you think you're down low enough. just when you've resigned yourself to your fate. just when you have discovered the truth. just when you're at the bottom, someone pulls you up. Mostly unwittingly. But in a day where you stay in bed to avoid the day. To not exsist for only a little bit longer.... something like that can mean the world.

But am i glad?

I don't know yet. in a sense yes.

but my realistic side tells me, screams at me, this is not real. this is nothing. have you forgotten your place? lift yourself up on such ethereal words so you may once again know the exquisite agony of falling?

no... i'm sorry.

i have not forgotten my place.

i know my place.

-cr

This has been a gentle reminder that you are not wanted.

I have to remember the ending to this story. I continously catch myself wondering, and wishing for a new chapter. But the thing is. I already know how this book ends. I can't stop wishing for something more though, wasn't that what everything is about? the desire for more? But... what is the point of more if you know the ending? Especially this ending.

No more dreams.

Stick with reality.

Don't bother with the statement, "I wish"

to desire something is to be disappointed.

I fucking hate switchfoot.

I fucking hate memories.
Maybe someday things will get more sorted

On Jackasses. Various.


SO, how 'bout that.

Let us talk first of RELEVANCE! Ignorant jackass in my CS class babbling on about his "die-rolling" program. Dude here's a gentle reminder that no one cares, I call it stabbing you in the face. The fact that you can simulate a simple 1d6 roll with a fancy-ass java program does not make you ub3r l33t. It just makes you a jackass.

NEXT!

YOU. You mother FUCKER. We talk about values and roles, and you call the homeless and destitue people that lack values... norms. Lets talk about having a little god-damn empathy you pissant! How is their financial state at ALL reflective of their moral state? For all you know that homeless guy hasn't had a drop of alcohol in his life. Or is trying to get better, or just had a rough strech of road. But do you honestly think for a second that they wouldn't improve their situation if they could? Next time, think before you speak deush-ington. Seriously. Go fuck yourself.

"Get it together"



-CR