Straight A's anyone?

Hells yes.

Sprechen sie "booyah"?

-CR

less than 24 hours away from a momentary freedom. I'm kind of in the thick of it, I've got quite alot of Economics studying still to be done... hoo boy, don't ever listen to Sarah McLachlan when you're already a bit bummed. Nearly hurled myself out the window afore I knew exactly what I was doing.

Feels like this year, is a repeat of a year that happened 4 years ago. It sure feels that way. I'm trying to change that though. Trying to make myself not care for her any more. and I think it's working. Didn't say goodbye before she left for break. And she certainly has not called to make things right. And I'm basically fine with that. I think she was a bit flakey for me anyway. I at least want some measure of consistancy in any girl... oh, although a british accent would definately help. yeah I think that I'll take consistancy OR a british accent. fairly sure. But getting back to what I said before. I'mna get on with my life, and just stay out of the way. She is in one of my classes next term, but so is one of her best friends. I won't be hearing much from her in that class. it just doesn't seem to matter anymore I guess. The pendulum has again swung from one extreme to another. I used to really desire companionship... now I could care less. Just give me a door to shut and I'll take care of it.

meeting with my econ professor in an hour... maybe less to go over some questions that I have. She'll prolly freak out at me, telling me that I should simply sift through my notes because it was covered in lecutre. I guess that's all my fault for being a boy eh? She is more than willing to give remedial econ sessions to the girls in the class. Damnit, it isn't my fault that she is ugly.

Oh, yeah. and lets add another person to the collective that is only referred to as "the fools". I am a loyal person you see. Make any effort, and you will find me to be a loyal friend. I'm very forgiving, I put up with a lot of shit. But the one thing that I do not put up with is betrayal. Especially of trust. You betray my trust, you become my enemy.

And I am an extremely loyal enemy.

person1: i hate guys
person2: hey, people can piss me off too, but i don't write off their whole gnder
person2: that would make me a feminist

-CR

Here's to losing someone that you connect with.

Here's to being forgotten.

Here's to living with Mr. Popularity.

I guess that's all the toasts I'll be making tonight.

-CR

Girls with British accents are hot.

Girls with British accents and straight teeth are ridiculous.

I suggest that all girls go to the UK, re-learn how to talk, and then come back.

-CR

The End of All Things.

Everything that has a beginning has an end. I feel the bitterness sweeping steadily away. To where I know not, I see a metamorphisis at long last, and there is nothing. Feels as though I no longer must see red. I can see blue if I want. Tomorrow I'm taking an important test. The day after, I have an important presentation. This is how I like it. I want to burn. I want to push so hard that my body gives out while my mind aches for more. This is what makes me feel alive. Knowing that I am exsausted, but continuting anyway. Eminem's lyrics and verse swim in my minds eye. 'till i collapse. But you see, I havn't yet. I havn't even begun. After this, I'll be free for a moment. But for now, I want nothing more than knowledge. It's like a Hunger inside of me. I can't sleep because I feel it pull me. I lie awake reading of Final Theorys, Psychlogy, Manipulation, Persuasion, Scandal and Deciet...

This is my time now.

I am finally free.

Finally...

The desire to be loved is the last illusion: Let it go and you will be Free."

-CR

I think that this is prolly the most alone that I've felt in a real long time.

I have a hard time getting a handhold on my mental issues. And that is what they are, really, right? This is a ME problem. This isn't real, it's something that I have made up. I am happy. I enjoy living like this. I enjoy it alot. But somewhere I feel a trifle empty, flashbacks have been occurring more and more over the past few weeks. Not all beautiful. All painful, and all consuming. I surrender myself to those moments, and find myself in that alternate reality... sometimes for 5 minutes, sometimes for a few seconds. I always feel heavy afterwards. Like someone is pushing on my ribs... Almost trying to crush me.

Here comes the music that i've so long avoided. Maybe because I have fenced so much off, there is nothing left to give. I just do not know.

They say that I am the most frightening person they have met. I guess I just don't understand that. I thought, ... I think that I am as nice as possible. I've not once lost my temper. I always speak slowly and evenly. So why? Why the fear? The old axiom, my closer, maybe.

"Beware the wraith of a patient man."

-CR

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