Tuesday, March 30, 2004

good night, moon

-cr

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

gee and i thought things were going so well too. would appear that any and all progress that I have made here has been for naught, how about.... how about this. how about I cease to fucking care and tell all of baxter 3 to go fuck themselves, because they sure as hell don't know how to behave like adults. so how about I shut the fuck up? whenever I open my mouth it only seems to muss shit up. So angry right now, I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't know. just... blow off steam somehow. Except the people that seem to have a grasp on reality are gone. And this pisses me off. I really should have heeded the advice given to me by others here. They said that she was not someone that you wanted to hang around with.... I really should have listened.... or at least given it more thought. or something. oh well. i dont' give a fuck i might as well keep doing what i'm doing and hope that she mixxes in a clue at some point.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

So yeah. about that exam.

sadness. Oh well. Folks here are up to usual tricks. I may have found a niche', yet maybe not. I tell the truth. I don't spin lies when people want to know what I think about something. If i disapprove I let them know, usually with both barrels. That earned me some respect in high school. I had credibility. I was going to tell you how it was, not how you WISHED it was. If you were wrong I was going to tell you. So that's what has me questioning my niche', wondering if it's the right thing for me or not. Some folks seem to think that a friendship is only a mutually beneficial web of lies. Is it not my duty to protect you? Even from yourself? The problem, I tell myself, is that they are only amateurs. They do not have things sorted out yet. When that happens they will be able to walk on their own, and not need crutches. The girl that talks with her Eyes and I had a talk tonight. I learned, and that was my objective. I want to learn.

I want to learn. Everything. I don't know everything, and maybe it isn't possible to know everything. but I never want to stop. I want to know how you feel, I want to know... i don't know what i want to know. i just want to know everything. I do not have to solve everything. That cannot be my place, That is something else I have learned. i am learning. just look at me learn, nothing can stop us, right? But that does not end all fear, I think you and I both fear one another a little bit, even now. We will work it out, just give it some time, time to understand that there is nothing to fear.


"But, don't you understand?" the voice draped in robes of light told her, "I would cut myself down, if only to be with you..."

-CR

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

I like calculus

it's fun. kinda a pain in the ass... and I'm NOT looking forward to taking an exam on the subject on friday... but... yeah, it's fun every now and again. BEST feeling in the world when you pull a scam with subsitution or polar co-ordinates, and get away with it because it's totally legitimate. w00t.

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
Ernest Hemingway


now that I'm thinking about my closer.... I guess that means I'm not an intellegent person. Heh, schweet.

-CR

Monday, March 08, 2004

feeling so tired. dunno what just came over me, but i am totally exausted. right now i feel as though i could sleep, and never wake up. i was in a really super good mood earler today. felt like i had the world by the tail, and life was good, i had alot to be thankful for. i still have a whole lot to be thankful for, except the problem is i just feel dead. all sorts of hall drama unfolding here, and i'm afraid to look, because i just i cringe when i see how, strange? people can be, and kinda, have started to pull away, because i really dont' want to be involved when shit starts to hit the fan. there are some people that know what they are doing, but others that really really don't, and t worrys me, because these folks would likely be best served if they listened to their hearts for a change, instead of what everyone else tells them they should feel, so yeah. mm hmmm. i feel really really weird. nothing to talk about. nope. nothing of note, no innane rant. come to think of it, it's been a really long time since I ranted on and on about anything. just don't have it in me anymore i guess. maybe i just need a rest. or something. that is the strangest thing. because i am supposed to write about feelings here. but, right now, i don't feel anything. wow, has it been an hour already? i can't make myself even think. maybe i should just sleep. get an early sleep. i wonder why all i want to do is sleep? i wonder.

"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
--Will Rogers


-CR

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Uuuughy! She's gone! and now I have sadness. Oh well! Only twooooo weeks. But still.... that's a lot of hours that I can miss her in. I was doing alright until she came down... was able to handle not being with her all the time,... but now............. can't she come back? just for like... another hour? or two? or... twenty four? No? Okay. Well. Then i'll WAIT. because that's what I'll do. Roomie broke his chair, lost his temper and punched it. So I fixed it. Go me, aren't I a standup guy? Hum or something like that. That tool kit that sis gave me is really paying off. yup yup! But hum. Now I am so bored!!! Sad sad. What to do, obviously this, as I am typing here as we speak... but what beyond that, I suppose that I do have calculus to do, I had forgotten about that... hm. Exam this friday. Better get on that... or something. Hm. Maybe a nap is in order... maybe.
And so, the best day of my life at Willamette (because times of sleep define your days, not actions taken therein) draws to a close. she makes me smile, and as a result my face hurts... muscles got a workout. but yay for that. I like surprises. I like them alot.

"Flowers grow out of dark moments."
--Corita Kent


-CR

Thursday, March 04, 2004

"Aw, guys, I broke my pants!"

gwahahah priceless

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

so.
much.
stress.
feeling.
crushed.