Click? damn. I'm out. trying not to mention the whole turning one year old thing... cause I don't want to just hit the repeat button... and then replay my life over again. cause that would fucking suck. But then again there are some things that I really miss. Looking forward to the spring break. Should be interesting times. At the very least I'll only have half the school year to go. Man. I am just tired. Weary to the bone.


So energetic today.... and band went quick for once... thank GOD.... but........ man. tired as all hell now. and just yyyyeeeeeeeah. hum. nothing much to say.

I used to write about my feelings and stuff. What do I feel? hum.

Uncertain and frightened to start. Little bit hurt, little bit frusterated, little bit worthless. Actually scratch that. A lot of bit worthless. Feeling just... empty again. havn't been empty for a long time. I mean... writing about how I feel... that's what I want to do. But I don't think I feel anything anymore.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

"To rid ourselves of our shadows - who we are - we must step into either total light or total darkness."
Jeremy Preston Johnson

i think i can feel it coming.

-CR

happy birthday blog.

once weathering, now wordforge. the names change but the scars are the same. one year down. only a few left.

The fish said: "You can't see my tears, because I'm in the water..."

The water said: "I can feel your sorrow, because you're in my heart..."


-CR

*sigh* how can music give you the greatest moments of nostalgia and joy while it tears your heart out?

I hope that I do the right things. i want to make up for lost time this weekend... spend the time that she deserves... but........... i don't think schedules will allow that.

she still talks with her Eyes.

"Sometimes our absence is greater than our presence."
-Chad Swanson


-CR

where can you see lions?

I like care packages

they make me happy inside.

me = snubbed.

something is different.

something is not how it should be... and something needs to change and i want to lash out. but i can't

i am weak

i am too weak

and i want to shrivel

the hounds of spring makes me cry

"All farewells should be sudden, when forever, Else they make an eternity of moments, And clog the last sad sands of life with tears.
-Lord Byron"

you frusterate me sometimes. you frusterate me because you take shit out on me... for no reason. if you want to talk about it fine. i will be there. but for you to just sit there and punish me for shit that i didn't do, that i have nothing to do with and WOULD help you through is udder bullshit.

GOD i hate this i don't want this anymore.

i wanna go back.

i wannagobackgobackgobackgobackgobacktakemeBACK

and the clock swings in reverse.

Tick

in light of recent events:


"Weiß man, wie oft ein herz brechen kann?
Wieviele sinne hat der wahn?
Lohnen sich gefühle?
Wieviele tränen passen in einen kanal?
Leben wir noch mal?
Warum wacht man auf?
Was heilt die zeit?


Ich bin
Dein 7. sinn
Dein doppelter boden
Dein zweites gesicht
Du bist eine kluge prognose
Das prinzip hoffnung
Ein leuchtstreifen aus der nacht
Irgendwann find und lieb ich dich


Ich bin eine deiner farben
Kannst sie wählen,
Kannst sie tragen,
Kannst sie bleichen
Verrat dir alle geheimzahlen
Werd dir die kühnsten träume ausmalen
Werd dir erklären, wovon ich nichts versteh


Ich bin
Dein 7. sinn
Dein doppelter boden
Dein zweites gesicht
Du bist eine sichre prognose
Das prinzip hoffnung
Ein leuchtstreifen aus der nacht
Irgendwann find und lieb ich dich


Das leben fließt rot in unseren venen
Ich servier dir es auf einem goldnen tablett
Du holst mich aus dem grauen tal der tränen
Läßt alle wunder auf einmal geschehn,
Dass mir hören und sehen vergeht


Ich bin
Dein 7. sinn
Dein doppelter boden
Dein zweites gesicht
Deine lieblingsfarbe
Dein sportlichster wagen
Dein tiefster tauchgang
Dein segelflug
Du bist eine gute prognose
Das prinzip hoffnung
Ein leuchtstreifen aus der nacht


Ich find dich und lieb dich mehr als mich
Ich lieb dich mehr als mich
Irgendwann finde ich dich
Ich finde dich oder nicht
Ich lieb dich mehr als mich
Und ich finde dich
Ich find dich oder nicht..."

Herbert Grönemeyer - "Blick Zurück"

tick.

tock.

goes my apocolypse clock.

my private oblivion grows that much nearer

so i sat outside on this winters night. breathing. i am still breathing after all. and i took to looking at the windows in the state capitol building. and i wondered. and wished. wished that someone up there had a gun, and was aiming at me. and he would give me a free trip on that silent black horse of his. and i could never feel anything again. i am tired. i do not sleep anymore. and when i do it is fitful sleep, at absolute best. i don't want to do anythhing. i really feeling like throwing in a towel. i walk as slowly as i can. i try not to make any noise, maybe then people will never know i was here. wouldn't that be nice. but... no one seems to know i exsist here anyway, so it isn't much of a leap to assume that no one will ever remember me being here to begin with. some people are transparent, some people not. which are you?

"I would like to thank a world that has never understood me, family and friends who never believed in me, and a god who must have one hell of a sense of humor, you have all made me what I am today. May that weigh heavily upon your consciences."

-cr

I hate being blamed for shit that isn't my fault.

sometimes you try.

you really do. but it is hard to try when time and time again you have it thrown back in your face.

"Fall down seven times, get up eight"

-CR

me = single serving friend

I am Jack's colon. I get cancer. I kill Jack.

Seen on a poster for a lecture called "sex under the influence"

"Don't be a vicitm of bad pubic policy! Attend and get informed!"

and if you misread pubic as public. read again.

i was rendered speechless.

and I mean... really. what IS there to say about that one.

You wanna take this one Rowan?

-CR

Seen in an email:

"What is this mystery cake? I want none of it."

GAAHAHAHAHHA



you are a great blog keeper, death.

hope you're doing alright - my computer broke so I haven't been online for a while to check. hopefully i'll talk to you later.

-HKNG

This makes me feel all, "warm" and do I daresay, "fuzzy" inside.

Seen in the hall:

"Free Cake!
Please eat me!"

What is this mystery cake? I want none of it.

-CR

In light of recent events...

yeah i do these alot now don't I? but you know what? it's my blog. so you have two options: like it, or fuck off.

You and I in a little toy shop
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got
Set them free at the break of dawn
'Til one by one, they were gone
Back at base, bugs in the software
Flash the message, "Something's out there"
Floating in the summer sky
99 red balloons go by.

99 red balloons floating in the summer sky
Panic bells, it's red alert
There's something here from somewhere else
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky
As 99 red balloons go by.

99 Decision Street, 99 ministers meet
To worry, worry, super - scurry
Call out the troops now in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
The president is on the line
As 99 red balloons go by.

99 Kriegsminister
Streichholz und Benzinkanister
Hielten sich fuer schlaue Leute
Witterten schon fette Beute
Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht
Mann, wer haette das gedacht
Dass es einmal soweit kommt
Wegen 99 Luftballons

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standin' pretty
In the dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
And here it is, a red balloon
I think of you and let it go.

original german:

Hast du etwas Zeit für mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem weg zum Horizont
Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied fur dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Und das sowas von sowas kommt
99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem weg zum horizont
Hielt man für UFOs aus dem All
Darum schickte ein General
'ne Fliegerstaffel hinterher
Alarm zu geben, wenn's so war
Dabei war'n da am Horizont
Nur 99 Luftballons
99 Düsenjäger
jeder war ein grosser Krieger
Hielten sich für Captain Kirk
Das gab ein grosses Feuerwerk
Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft
Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht
Dabei schoss man am Horizont
Auf 99 Luftballons
99 Kriegsminster
Streichholz und Benzinkanister
Hielten sich für schlaue Leute
Witterten schon fette Beute
Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht
Mann, wer hätte das gedacht
Dass es einmal soweit kommt
Wegen 99 Luftballons
99 jahre Krieg
Liessen keinen platz für Sieger
Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr
Und auch keine düsenflieger
Heute zieh ich meine Runden
Seh' die welt in Trümmern liegen
Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden
Denk' an dich und lass' ihn fliegen